Becoming a Gratitude Junkie

How I got caught in the grasp of a highly addictive psychedelic called gratitude.

I like to think that I grew up in a safe household, a place where I was loved, supported and protected. My parents set good examples of appropriate consumption of intoxicating substances. They would enjoy a glass of wine with dinner most days and whenever we honored shabbat, we’d go around the table each taking a hit off some gratitude. This is where I was first exposed to the potential power of this mind altering drug.

Over the years, my sunny disposition has been shaped by a constant dose of gratitude. Those who know me well know that I can always find a silver lining in any situation. This is one of the side effects of taking a hit periodically. You must be careful with gratitude because it’s not like you can just try it once or twice and think you’re free from it’s grasp. It lodges itself into the deep corners of your heart even after just one hit.

I wasn’t aware of my addiction until recently. Of course I recognized that I was using gratitude with moderation but one moment in particular sent me flying down the rabbit hole that gratefulness opens up. It was that one fateful morning in Long Beach where I watched the sun rise over the dunes, illuminating the waves as they crashed behind me.

I nearly overdosed that day. It came on as a strong rush. The climax was overwhelming. I got so high that my heart felt like it was leaping from my chest, my eyes started to shed tears. All I could do, to keep myself from collapsing from the sensation was breathe and feel what it felt like to be flying so high. As one should with such intense rides, I released myself to it. Going against it’s current would be of no use to me.

Just like the water hitting the shore, the high came in waves. At times I’d start to settle back into my resting state, but then I’d be overcome with that intense sensation. All I could do was stop in my tracks, take a deep breath and be as fully aware of what I was feeling from my heart through my extremities. The rolling climaxes of the high lasted about 45 minutes but I’m still coming down, 5 months later.

Gratitude’s effects are very long lasting. I’m not even sure you can turn the faucet off, once it’s been opened. It’s gotten to the point that I can’t go a day without trying to get my fix. I take small dose throughout my day but I’m always on the hunt for that opportunity to get so high that I can’t even move.

Fortunately, it’s pretty easy to source gratitude. All it takes is a moment to reflect on what is going well in my life or what I’m learning from the challenging moments. But like all drugs, there’s a hunt for the strongest, clearest, best stuff on the market. But gratitude can’t be bought and sold. It can only be sourced from within. I’m now faced with the challenging of finding where my stores of the good stuff lie. This is a challenge I’m happy to take on.